Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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