areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
