I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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