I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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