i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
