...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
