I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
