don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
