The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
