I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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