who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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