Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
