I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
