Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
