dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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