I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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