we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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