i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
