hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
