dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
