had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
