her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
