weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
