hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
