we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
