Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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