I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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