Define "chronic" masturbator.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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