it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
