I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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