She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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