he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
