i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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