Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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