We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
