Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
