I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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