My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
