Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
