i was born a porn star she said
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
