Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
