and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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