So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
