I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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