are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
