so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
