Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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