Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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