I hope mine doesn't look like that
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
