wat bout pragnant strippers??
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
