Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
