Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
