I am in a vortex of obligation.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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