Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
