my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
