Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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