They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
