Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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