remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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