you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize