That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
