Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just puked most of my soul out..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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