Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
