Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
