The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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