I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
