i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think my moral compass just broke
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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