Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
