I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
