its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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