i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
