they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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