the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
