ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
