I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
